SMOKING GNAT: You put the lights out, his tongue glows

By: Danny S. Villanueva

NINGAS KUGON is now synonymous with our NO SMOKING campaign nowadays at work. Couple of years ago, it was real agony for smokers to find a place to smoke in the office. Now they are back with impunity almost smoking everywhere- the conference and meeting rooms, the hallways and of course, the comfort rooms, too. And you know what, the used to be classy blue seal cigarettes almost cost the same as the local brands now. Thanks to globalization.

After 1 and half hour conference meeting with the boys in the office, I would smell like tinapang Salinas. Patis and kamatis na lang, puwede na akong kaiinin. To get that smoke stench out of me, I would change shirts when I go home for lunch. I also always keep a wardrobe of spare uniforms in the car just in case I may not be able to go home to change. Palagay ko, may tama na si ako because of the second hand smoke. Ano kaya, magsmoke na rin ako, para first hand naman? Sa lagay kayo lang? Huwag na lang… says my other me.

Some people no longer ask, “Do you mind if I smoke?” Just in case they do, we could readily say, “No, go ahead and burn your self.” And if the smoker is caught smoking in a non-smoking area, before you used to throw the cigarette out of the window, now you could do the same but with the smoker attached to it. Hahahaha.

I would be happy to see militant smokers in our work place swaggering around with water pistols strapped to their belt and with a red patch on their sleeves: Born to Breathe. I guess you can easily tell militants. You find them to hate smoke in any form. They abhor tinapa, smoke salmon, smoke beef and hotdogs by Smokey the Bear. And surely, they cry a river listening to Platters’ “Smoke gets in your eyes.”

If you know the militant non-smokers, you should immediately identify the smoking gnats- the chain smokers. You know the type, he smokes so much that you put the lights out, his tongue glows. He prefers shasimi that he can bite raw fish and cook it while chewing it (kaya pala mahilig ang mga Hapon sa raw foods, neh). He’s synchronized with the fire department that whenever there is fire, he goes to the burning buildings and inhales. If there’s no fire in the neighborhood, he always volunteers to do the barbecue during weekend, (though, remember, he eats the raw ones only). His fingers have so much nicotine on them, that for him nail-biting could be dangerous to his health. Girls who dated him say his kiss is like the Bicol Express. Hahahaha.

Now, how can you tell a passive smoker naman ? Ako yun ha! Well for one, he washes and changes shirt everytime after a conference in the tinapahan with the boys. He keeps a wardrobe of extra clothes in the car. He would likely stick cigarette filters in his nostrils during smoking sessions. Or he uses a surgical mask thinking that this is better than the more expensive chemical masks. To keep him from coughing he always have a box full of candy mints, sugar free pa – very careful nga dahil diabetic siya. May maidadag pa kayo? Isa pa- he dies much earlier than the gnats. Meron pa? Sige nga, please. DSV