Grandparenting Our First Grandchild, Margaret

By Danny S. Villanueva

On November 4, 2008, Sabrie and I finally have become legitimate grandparents with the coming of Margaret, the first baby of our youngest child, Mark and his so meek spouse- Rachel. Even before the baby’s birth, expecting our first grandchild created so much excitement, anticipation and preparation. Our heads and hearts were so full. I remembered when my daughters would happily scramble to find or coin a baby’s name. On the other hand, Sabrie kept a growing list on what to acquire for the baby- a new crib, and all those starter sets of clothing and paraphernalia for a new born. She made arrangement with Ate Pat and Kuya Ves for Talon hospital’s pre and post natal services, and selected a competent OB-Gyne. This exciting news spread among my siblings abroad that made my brother in California to quickly acquire, pack and send a full balikbayan box of baby clothes and goodies.

Our hearts and minds are somewhat full because the role of parenting and grandparenting have just started. With Mark, Rachel and Baby Margaret living with us in Tarlac at this time, the situation has become more subtle as we allow our adult son and daughter-in-law to make their own decisions. But our influence as grandparents remains strong and there are so many information and wisdom to impart to the new parents.

With the arrival of the new baby, or I may say- the birth of a new Christian family, our good Lord made it happen that Mark would have a good job in Mabalacat, Pampanga. But at a glance, there are other minor questions, like- whether Rachel should quit her job in a bank in that far Laoag, Ilocos Norte, aand be employed in Tarlac or stay home is clear cut. Whatever, we believe and hope that our good Lord would always lead them to right decisions.

It is said that being a grandparent is the best gift in one’s life. And while most seasoned grandparents will readily agree with this statement, the prospect of becoming grandparents can be also difficult for first-timers like us. What remains in Sabrie and my mind and heart, to somehow ease this concern, is Tatang Conrad’s advice to allow the baby’s parents to be responsible mainly for the caring of the baby, and we can just only assist as necessary as the new parents are in the learning stage. Thus the question: how to help without becoming a hindrance.
Sabrie and I had long experience living with my parents in Manila from the time we started to have children up to their early schooling. My mom and dad, as grandparents, indeed, afforded them certain privileges, but with them came some cautions. They did offer their help all the time, but they learned not to be upset if their offers were refused by us. They had to keep in their mind that the grandchildren were theirs, but they were not the parents.

We are resolved that we have to give things a little bit of time as new grandparents. This major life change for me and Sabrie will take some getting used to as grandparents. We do not expect everything to fall into the right places immediately. We need time to adjust to our new role, with the Lord’s love and caring hands.